Making Sense of a Medical Event or Diagnosis
(I want to give thanks to Sacha McBain, PhD for a lot of this information)
If you’re reading this, something in your life may have changed quickly and in a way you didn’t choose.
A medical event, diagnosis, or the beginning of chronic illness doesn’t just affect your body. It can ripple through every part of your life. And often, it doesn’t feel linear, clear, or manageable at first.
This guide is here to help you understand what might be happening emotionally and psychologically so you can begin to find your footing again.
How your life might be affected
Medical changes often impact multiple areas of life at once:
Physical
Body image
Physical form or shape
Cognition or memory
Sensory experiences
Motor control
Emotional
Mood stability
Emotion regulation
Relational
Trust
Socialization
Relationships
Intimacy or sexuality
Identity
Sense of self
Sense of agency, autonomy, independence
Role within family and community
Spiritual / Existential
Sense of meaning or purpose
Relationship to faith or religion
Hope for the future
Sense of safety or security
Awareness of mortality
Developmental
Missed milestones
Changes in physical or cognitive development
Disruptions in goals or achievements
Financial
Ability to work
Assets and savings
Financial security
Ability to meet needs
Avocational (Free Time & Enjoyment)
Hobbies or interests
Ability to be spontaneous
If it feels like “everything” has changed—that makes sense. Because in many ways, it has.
The phases you might move through
Most people go through multiple phases when adjusting to a medical change.
These aren’t steps you complete once. You might:
Spend more time in some than others
Move back and forth between them
Revisit them again with each new change
1. Denial (shock, refusal)
Thoughts:
“What can I do to stop this?”
“I’m not sure I can get through this.”
Actions:
Seeking second opinions
Looking for reassurance or more information
2. Pleading / bargaining / desperation
Thoughts:
“I want life to go back to how it was.”
Actions:
Focusing intensely on ways to reverse or undo the change
3. Anger
Thoughts:
“I hate that this is happening.”
“If only I (or someone else) had done something differently…”
Actions:
Blaming yourself or others
Reacting to the reality that some parts of this can’t be stopped
4. Anxiety & depression
Thoughts:
“I’ve lost everything.”
“Life will never be the same.”
“I feel empty or numb.”
Actions:
Deep grieving
Feeling the weight of what’s been lost
5. Loss of self & confusion
Thoughts:
“Who am I now?”
“I don’t recognize myself anymore.”
“What is my purpose now?”
Actions:
Struggling to understand your identity
Feeling unsure about your values or direction
6. Re-evaluation of life, roles & foals
Thoughts:
“Maybe this matters less now… but this matters more.”
“What is worth my limited time and energy?”
Actions:
Reprioritizing
Making new decisions about how to live
7. Acceptance
Thoughts:
“This is part of my life now.”
“I don’t like it—but I can manage it.”
“Even with this, I can still do some things that matter to me.”
Actions:
Tolerating the reality
Beginning to invest in a life that includes this change
When medical experiences become traumatic
Sometimes, your body and brain respond to medical experiences as trauma.
You might notice:
Avoiding healthcare altogether
Or, needing frequent medical care
Difficulty sticking with self-care or treatment plans
Tense or difficult interactions with providers
Replaying negative experiences with healthcare
Flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, or nightmares
Persistent negative beliefs about yourself, others, or the world
If this is happening, it’s not a failure, it’s your nervous system trying to protect you. And, it might be particularly helpful to work seek trauma treatment with a licensed mental health provider. Trauma treatment can help your nervous system heal so that a past medical experience isn’t getting in the way of your life in the present.
What can get in the way of recovery
Some patterns—especially understandable ones—can make healing harder:
Extreme avoidance
Not processing emotions
Constant negative thinking or meaning-making
Fear of feeling anxious
Spending excessive time trying to control anxiety
Substance use
Isolation or withdrawal
Limited or low-quality support
Untreated depression
Ongoing losses that haven’t been processed
Facing obstacles without support
What can help with recovery
Recovery doesn’t mean “going back to who you were.” It means learning how to live with what has changed.
Here are things that support that process:
Care for your emotional world
Learn how to cope with and regulate what you feel
Understand grief and recognize when you’re in it
Work in manageable chunks
Break life into smaller “chapters”
Identify priorities within each phase
Gently reduce avoidance
Notice when you’re avoiding people, places, or situations
Take small steps toward re-engagement
Work with your thoughts
Notice negative thoughts
Explore and challenge them
Aim for more accurate and helpful thinking
Adjust expectations
Redefine what “functioning” or “progress” looks like now
Advocate for yourself
Learn about your condition
Become an expert in your own experience
Reconnect with meaning
Identify your values
Engage in meaning-making
Update the story of what happened
Talk with others or providers
Consider trauma-informed treatment if needed
Learn to differentiate experiences
“Even though this feels similar, this means X… and that means Y”
Take small actions before you feel
You don’t have to wait for motivation to start doing things you know will help you.
We can help our body by taking action first, and then feelings can follow.
Support your body & stress system
Strengthen connection
Increase supportive relationships
Reduce environments where you feel constrained or misunderstood
Connect with others going through similar experiences
Get help when you need it
Especially when dealing with ongoing losses or obstacles
A final note
If you feel overwhelmed, lost, angry, or unsure who you are right now it doesn’t mean you’re doing this wrong.
It means your brain is trying to make sense of a major change.
You don’t have to figure it all out at once.
You can move through this one phase, one moment, one small step at a time.
