How to change what’s happening inside of you
…even it feels stuck.
Sometimes we feel like what’s happening inside us—our emotions, body sensations, or thoughts—will last forever. When we feel anxious, heavy, or shut down, it can seem like nothing will help.
But here’s the truth: your brain and body are designed to change. That’s how we learn, grow, and heal. Even when it doesn’t feel possible, there are things you can do to help your body and brain shift into a more present and responsive state.
1. Why our feelings and thoughts can change
Your emotions, thoughts, and body sensations aren’t permanent. They’re part of a living system—your brain and body working together to keep you safe and meet your needs.
Scientists call this neuroplasticity. It means your brain changes with experience. The more often you practice calming or focusing your attention, the easier it becomes for your brain to do it next time.
In other words, your brain is like a muscle. Every time you use it to come back to calm, it gets stronger.
2. Small things that create big shifts
Let’s look at some ways you can help your body and brain shift states. You don’t have to do all of these—just try one or two and notice what happens.
Breathe to calm your body
When you breathe slowly and deeply, you send a message to your brain that you’re safe. Try this:
Breathe in for a count of four, hold for one, and breathe out for a count of six.
The longer exhale helps your nervous system settle.
If you feel dizzy or tense, slow it down even more.
Create a safe/calm/secure place or a container
When big feelings or memories start to crowd your mind, it can help to imagine a place or container where you can set them down for a while.
Picture somewhere that feels calm and steady—a beach, a cozy room, a forest trail, or even a favorite chair. Or imagine a container—a box, jar, or vault—where you can safely store thoughts and feelings until you’re ready to come back to them.
This doesn’t mean ignoring what’s hard. It just gives your brain and body a way to rest and reset, knowing everything you’ve set aside will still be there when you’re ready.
If this sounds like it could be helpful, try this out - Safe Place/Container Exercise.
Name what you feel
Putting words to your feelings helps your brain process them. You can say:
“I feel tight in my chest.”
“I’m noticing sadness.”
“I’m angry and my jaw is tense.”
This simple act helps you access the wisdom of your whole brain rather than just the survival parts. If this is something you struggle with, sometimes it can help to know what your options here - check out this graphic. And, if you want to really strengthen this muscle, consider trying this practice.
Notice what’s around you
When your thoughts or feelings get loud, focusing on your senses can bring you back to the present moment.
Try looking around and naming:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
This technique lowers stress hormones and helps your brain focus on now instead of what if.
Move your body
Your body and emotions are connected. Stretch, walk, roll your shoulders, or sit up taller and you might notice your thoughts or emotions shift. Changing your posture can help your brain shift gears, too. Movement helps reset the balance between your “fight/flight” system and your “rest and recover” system.
Change the story you brain is creating
Sometimes what we think keeps the emotion strong. For example, if your brain says, “This feeling means I’m weak,” it will activate or intensify feelings of shame or fear.
If you notice that first story and treat it like a balloon that’s lingering with you, you can stop breathing into it and keeping it afloat. Then, you can shift the story to, “This feeling means my body is asking for care,” you’ll be more likely to feel more grounded.
This isn’t pretending everything’s fine or trying to convince yourself of something that’s not true (see this blog for more on thoughts); it’s helping your brain see the full picture of your situation.
3. What’s actually happening in the brain
When you do any of these things, breathe deeply, move, name your feelings, or shift your thoughts, you activate your prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that helps you think clearly and make choices. That part of the brain can calm the amygdala, the area that triggers big emotions.
Over time, these small practices teach your brain: “I can have strong feelings and still be safe.”
And when your brain learns that, it becomes easier to stay calm, connected, and in control.
4. Window of Tolerance
Your brain and body have a natural range where you can feel strong emotions and still stay connected, thoughtful, and safe. This range is called your Window of Tolerance.
When you’re inside it, your body has enough energy to meet challenges without getting overwhelmed or shutting down.
You might still feel uncomfortable, but you can notice what’s happening, use your skills, and move toward what matters to you.
Using the Window of Tolerance exercise can sometimes help you learn more about what different “states” you experience in your body and how to move between them.
5. Be gentle and keep practicing
Changing your inner state isn’t about forcing yourself to feel happy or relaxed.
It’s about reminding your brain that you have options.
Some days it will be easy. Other days it will take more time—and that’s okay.
Practice these small shifts when you’re calm so your brain knows how to use them when things feel hard.
This is part of building what we call Thinking Brain Skills in Rootwise: ways to respond to life with wisdom instead of just reacting.
5. When you need extra help
If your internal world feels too big to handle on your own, that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means your nervous system might need support from a therapist or guide.
Just like muscles recover faster with a trainer, your brain can learn to regulate faster with the right help.
Final thought
You are not your thoughts.
You are not your feelings.
You are the person who can notice them, and that means you can influence them.
Even small steps toward calm, awareness, and kindness change the way your brain works over time.
Your system is always learning. You’re just teaching it a better way to respond.
